Out of Office

I will be out of the office until further notice. Perhaps Sunday, perhaps Monday, perhaps later. Perhaps I will be so overjoyed at my homecoming I will forget about my computer completely. That would be ideal, but I doubt it will happen.

Well, until I return (did you catch the double meaning!!?), I leave you, readers, with some beautiful words that I had the pure joy to sing with my friend who wrote them while we were here. She is an absolute genius with words and music, and I think she really perfectly captures the things I wish I could say I about how I feel about home. It's better with music, but for now, just enjoy the thoughts.


Yes, oh, yes, I miss my friends, miss them more than I can say
Trying hard to handle the baptism of time I’m going through
But sunlight through leaves and eyelids
Start to show movies against my will
And I don’t have a reason or a reason to be sad
And you know I know that it’ll all be ok, but honestly
There is there and here is here and I’m so tired.

Troublesome my eyes are troublesome my feet are.
That oversimplifies something I don’t want to talk about
When all I have room for is being with you again
My past and my future sit combined in comfort
They know that a shift from good to good is good and only
Change that makes me cringe until the new sets in

I can wait, I really can, I wish I could wait more patiently
The sorrow at the richness I miss and almost worship kills me
Can you feel my heart beating in your chest?
I wonder about time and its passing.
Do you feel that we’re here but also there like I do
Even the clouds had eyes to see us then

Game Plan

Tomorrow I will be packing as I study for American Literature and Lithuanian exams. Is it time to pack already? Deciding what to leave behind, deciding what I can't afford to leave.

Thursday I am leaving my dear Lithuanian home with my roommates. I am going with a friend to be in Vilnius for that evening and Friday.

Saturday I get on a plane, and Saturday I arrive in Chicago at 3pm and will have to stay up until a normal bed time, which is equivalent to the early hours for my body. Ideally I will be so exhausted so I will sleep so well and wake up refreshed for church. Though more likely, I will be exhausted, sleep, and wake up exhausted for church.

I will be at church in five days.
I will sleep in my bed in four nights.
How are these sentances truth?
Sorry if these things seem silly, but I am already in shock, and it doesn't have to do with culture. I just don't really know what to think about all the things that are true about what is happening in my life.

Tomorrow, some friends and I are going to go out for a little nice dinner. That will be really great. It is sad to think it is the last time I will get together with them all while we're here. I have cried about leaving my European friends, and have not even thought about the fact that I will also be leaving my American friends. None of them live close either. There is a lot of indefinitely leaving in my life.

For real?

I think I've been overloaded with surrealism the past five months. At first, I could not believe I was going to Lithuania. Then I couldn't believe I was in Lithuania, then I couldn't believe how much I loved my roommates. Then I couldn't believe I was on a train to Moscow. Then I couldn't believe I was looking at the little closet where Raskolnikov was said to have taken his murderous axe from. There have been so many moments where I have thought, can this really be where I am? Have I really done [fill in the blank]? It cannot be.

The other day I was thinking about the fact that I am not the first to feel this way. There have been a number of occasions where I have seen my dad sit in wonderment at where he is. Perhaps that is why I often feel this way.

The past two days, and I predict the next week will be the same, I have been in this constant state -- wondering how I got here, and I either cannot or refuse to believe that I will leave here. I don't get it. The things that have become normal will never be the same. The things that were normal will not be the same. How am I to talk about this? How am I supposed to write about this, even though I have been trying for the whole 4 months to either document or process the stories of these months.

Well, off to studying!

one week left.

I am the kind of person who can’t wait to pack for a trip. My mom was always the one who would start packing five days before we left for a few days. My dad was the one who would start packing five minutes before bed the night before leaving, whether it was a two-day trip or a week-long trip. I tend to pack for weeks in advance. Not out of high-blood pressure or anxiety, I just love being ready to go. I hate that time between loads of laundry when you don’t want to wash all your clothes until you can put a few more days clothes in to make it worthwhile so you can pack. I love to think about the things I need to bring, and I love to pack it all in, find a way to make more room, take it all out and pack again. Luckily, I have refrained from doing that for my return trip home. Besides the fact that our dorms would not accommodate a loosely and wide-spread packed suitcase, I know it would simply make me more anxious to leave. I am in this tight place where I want to be home and be done with school work and see my wonderful family again, and I also can’t believe I’m leaving, and at times think, maybe if I throw a temper tantrum they won’t make me leave. In writing a reflection paper for our study abroad Cross-cultural Seminar class, I realized how many things I have learned, but have no words for, and I somehow feel that going home will make it even less likely to find the words. But without going home, I wouldn’t even realize all the things I’ve learned. So I want both things – Lithuania and Wisconsin. International community and diverse ethnic community. This is the curse and the blessing of Study Abroad Lithuania – it steals your heart and won’t give it back.

Did someone just say two weeks?

I cannot believe that two weeks from two days ago, I will be in the United States of America.

I cannot believe that in two weeks from yesterday, I will be singing with my church and trying to stay awake for a fabulous sermon.

I cannot believe that in three weeks from yesterday, I will for the first time ever:
-be at Cornerstone Church for a Christmas service.
-be with my own immediate family to celebrate Christmas.

I cannot believe that in three weeks from today, I will be telling my Colin, my Jeffrey and my Kaia some anecdote that will begin, "When I was in Lithuania..."

Give Thanks.

I was really content on Thanksgiving. I got to bake crescent rolls, which reminded me of my childhood, which I love. I got to nap. I got to eat with friends and share a piece of American culture with them that I didn't even realize how unique and special that day is.

But somehow every other day, I find reasons to be discontent. I have however many days left before coming home, about three weeks. Can't time go faster? Or if it's not that, it's -- I only have three weeks left? How can I possible get everything done, least of all have a fulfilling experience in three weeks? How am I supposed to say good bye to my friends!?

What I forget is that I'm not saying good bye. I will, but I'm not right now, and that's where I am. I know I have so much good in my life, and for some reason I think that the future, or the past, holds more good than right now. But it doesn't, because it's not now, and that's all.

Sorry if that's convoluted, but these are my thoughts :)

Sometime last week, someone asked me -are you ready to come home? I said, No, but I will be in a month. When I said that, I was sincere, but I do not always have that attitude. It is the attitude I would like.

My hair is longer.
My time is shorter.
My eyes are wider.
My heart is heavier.
My day is yesterday.
My notebook is full.
My glue is half-empty.
My pages are long.
My time is now.

Prayers

Please pray for Ian and my friends Joy and Olivia who got in a car accident yesterday. Ian's knee is injured, and both Joy and Olivia have fractured vertebrae. They will all be "fine," but they will be in hibited as far as mobility goes, for varying lengths of time.

On a happier note, Aurelija got accepted to spend next semester at Gordon College in Boston! I am SO excited for her. When she got the e-mail, she kept saying, "Maybe we read it wrong, I don't think this is real." But it is so real! So, next semester I will at some point be making a trip out to Boston, and I have already invited her to come to my home after the semester is over.

I hear you have snow!

I have heard reports (mostly by facebook, some by New Yorkers I met at a show in St. Petersburg, some from my parents) that it has been snowing in different parts of our big country. Sad to say, our first frost came only yesterday. Anyone I have talked to from this region of the world is totally surprised that there is not snow yet! So, I guess my friends and family are having my Lithuanian snow for me. Thanks guys!

Quotes from Into the Wild

These were a few of the spots in the book (which I finished last night -- I LOVE the feeling of finishing a book!!) that I thought I'd share. They're not particularly heart warming, but I thought they were quite insightful.

[Franz] had no family and few friends. A disciplined, self-reliant man, he got along remarkably well despite his age and solitude. When McCandless came into his world, however, the boy undermined the old man’s meticulously constructed defenses. Franz relished being with McCandless, but their burgeoning friendship also reminded him how lonely he’d been. The boy unmasked the gaping void in Franz’s life even as he helped fill it. When McCandless departed as suddenly as he’d arrived, Franz found himself deeply and unexpectedly hurt. – p 56

It may, after all, be the bad habit of creative talents to invest themselves in pathological extremes that yield remarkable insights but no durable way of life for those who cannot translate their psychic wounds into significant art or thought. – Theodore Roszak “In search of the miraculous” p 70

Chris invented this this workout he called Road Warriors: He would lead us on long, killer runs through places like farmers’ fields and construction sites, places we weren’t supposed to be, and intentionally try to get us lost. We’d run as far and as fast as we could, down strange roads, through the woods, whatever. The whole idea was to lose your bearings, to push ourselves into unknown territory. Then we’d run at a slightly slower pace until we found a road we recognized and race home again at full speed. In a certain sense that’s how Chris lived his entire life. – p 112

A month later Billie sits at her dining room table, sifting through the pictorial record of Chris’s final days. It is all she can do to force herself to examine the fuzzy snapshots. As she studies the pictures, she breaks down from time to time, weeping as only a mother who has outlived a child can weep, betraying a sense of loss so huge and irreparable that the mind balks at taking its measure. Such bereavement, witnessed at close range, makes even the most eloquent apologia for high-risk activities ring fatuous and hollow. – p. 132

But have you noticed the slight curl at the end of Sam II’s mouth, when he looks at you? It means he didn’t want you to name him Sam II, for one thing, and for two other things it means that he has a sawed-off in his left pant leg and a baling hook in his right pant leg, and is ready to kill you with either one of them, given the opportunity. The father is taken aback. What he usually says, in such a confrontation, is “I changed your diapers for you, little snot.” This is not the right thing to say. First, it is not true (mothers change nine diapers out of ten), and second, it instantly reminds Sam II of what he is mad about. He is mad about being small when you were big, but no, that’s not it, he is mad about being helpless when you were powerful, but no, not that either, he is mad about being contingent when you were necessary, not quite it, he is insane because he loved you, you didn’t notice. – p. 145 Donald Barthelme The Dead Father

It is easy, when you are young, to believe that what you desire is no less than what you deserve, to assume that if you want something badly enough, it is your God-given right to have it. … I was a raw youth who mistook passion for insight and acted according to an obscure, gap-ridden logic. I thought climbing the Devil’s Thumb would fix all that was wrong with my life. In the end, of course, it changed almost nothing. But I came to appreciate that mountains make poor receptacles for dreams. And I lived to tell my tale. – p 155

The Camera Scare.

And what would a vacation be without a "did I loose the camera!!" scare?

On the walk from the hostel to the train station, I tripped in the middle of the street and all my stuff spilled everywhere. My friends picked up all the stuff that spilled from my purse -- I thought -- and we tried to keep going before cars got impatient and hit the gas regardless of expected pity.

We took the overnight train from St. Petersburg to Vilnius, being sporatically woken by guards at the Russian border, then the Latvian border (in-between which there is neutral territory) to check our passports. In Vilnius, we got on a bus that took us straight back to LCC. But in between the train and the bus, I realized my camera -- which is actually my mom's camera -- was not in my coat pocket, where it spent most of my trip. So I went back on the train to see if it had fallen out. It was not on the train. The best I could do was hope that it was in my bag, though I had no recollection of packing it there. I thought -- maybe it fell out of my pocket when I fell on my face, and someone didn't pick it up. Or someone ELSE picked it up.

Well, long story short, after the 4-hour bus ride of being stressed, worried that my camera, and my photos, were being enjoyed by a Petersburg thug, I found out that I had tucked it into my souvenier bag. Which means that I can share some photos with you now!!


In the Church of Spilt Blood -- the whole inside is a mosaic.


Dostoevsky's hat at his last flat where he wrote The Brothers Karamazov. (This was taken before I was kindly informed in Russian that you're not allowed to take photos there...)


A view from St. Isaac's Cathedral.


The view from the bridge with it is presumed by locals to be the spot where Raskolnikov stares into the river in deep thought. Ah!!


The Pushkin statue under which I got to sit and write -- Good-looking guy!

Art.

Yesterday we went to Yusopov Palace and the Hermitage.

This afternoon I walked the path of Raskolnikov -- protaganist of Crime and Punishment (my favorite novel which I am re-reading while here in Petersburg) -- I asked locals for help to find it, and they all recognized what I was saying when I said "Raskolnikov?" and they all pointed to the same flat.

Tonight we went to the ballet Romeo and Juliet.

This city makes me want to be an author and a ballerina.




At Yusopov Palace -- Oksana and I decided we would move there together some day.


Me at Pushkin's appartment.

The St. Petersburg Dream.

I love St. Petersburg. Everything is different than in Moscow. Every building is beautiful -- not just one in every few buildings. The water is beauiful, the open spaces are great for breathing, the feeling is good. Last night I went and journaled sitting on a bench beneath a statue of Pushkin. I feel like the whole place is literary, but maybe that is just because that is what I love -- perhaps if someone loved something else, it would be that instead.

Yesterday, we took a walking tour of the city to get an idea of the city. After that, we had lunch, had some rest time, and went to a show called Feel Yourself Russian. It was really fun to see lots of traditional Russian folk songs and dances on stage.

Today I am going with a group to Yusopov Palace and then to the Hermitage. I didn't really take many pictures on our walk around the city yesterday -- I was just soaking it in -- but I will have my camera today!

How Did I Get Here?

Day 3.

Happy Halloween! I'm missing trick-or-treating, and regretting that, even if I were home, my brothers aren't young enough to go along with them as an excuse to still get candy.

If you haven't been on google today, check it out.

I forgot to mention last night that we went to the circus!! So great.

Today we toured St Basil's Cathedral -- that is where this post's title comes in. Its inside is cavernous and mysterious. More on that later?

Also today was souvenier day! I simply cannot wait to go home to give everyone their gifts :)

Stay tuned for more photos soon!

MOCKOB

Day 1.
Travel. We got up and out by 8,20, but then after ten minutes I realized I didn't see my frined Paige, and she was no where on the bus, so we turned around to wake her up... THEN we were really on the road. We took the bus to The Hill of Crosses which is in Siauliai, which is where Aurelija lives.



Then we finished the bus ride to Riga where we had about half an hour before our train left. We took the night train. It was a stark contrast to my previous night train experience which was from Italy to Paris. That had been really restfull except when a suitcase fell on my head. This time, there was no suitcase fiasco, but it was by no means restful. Yet, the mystery I felt towards being in Russia each time I woke up made me hardly care about how uncomfortable I was!

Anyway,
Day 2.
We got to Moscow around 10am. We checked into the hostel, and went to... Red Square! How beautiful.



I wasn't going to use my own money to do this, but my friend Drew (We call him Andresha in Russia -- I actually call him Drushka -- which means salt in lithuanian) kindly gave me a 5-rouble piece to throw at the spot where Moscow was founded! And with my long-standing basketball prowess, I made it right in the center! Can you believe it? I cannot. Well, I guess Moscow is my lucky city.

We went on a tour of Kremlin. The official tour was kind of boring, but the palace was beautiful. I cannot even believe real people could stand to live in such an exquisite place. It made me grateful to grow up in a house where, if I broke a plate, I wasn't breaking a fortune.



Day 3.
Who knows what it will hold?!

WARNING: THIS POST MAY CAUSE POST-TRAUMATIC SHOCK SYDROME

"She doesn't know what's comin'
But she knows what she's leavin' behind"
- The Great Billy Joel

These few days before I head off to Russia have caused me to do a little bit of self-reflection. I remember iin my Russian Literature class, a theme that for some reason or other came up was "self-awareness." While I would reject the idea that we should spend all our time on thinking about ourselves and even about how we can improve ourselves (because I think if we focus our energies on others with the right attitudes and motivation, self-improvement will come naturally), I think it is so valuable to acknowlege:

1. where and who you were
2. where and who you are now
3. that you have no idea where and who you will be next week, and no cotrol over it, and that is OK -- even more than OK. It is good.

So, today I've been thinking a lot about these three things.

I am trying to decide if it is better to talk about in terms of what I am now or what I am not anymore. I guess we'll go for a fussion. Or, we'll just jump in and see what it looks like at the end.

I am a little more punctual than I was before.
I have not turned in any assignment late this whole semester.
I wake up to my alarm every morning, rarely hitting snooze. At 7am -- an hour and a half before my first class.
I read for class and for pleasure every day.
I am learning how to be creative with cooking, and make things without measuring cups, and without a written recipe.
I know how to catch a train. And a bus. And a plane. All on my own. In fact, in a group, I am often the calm one who can figure out how to read the signs, even if they are in Lithuanian.
I hate when I have to take naps. I still do nap when I absolutely have to, but I absolutely hate it.
I try some new food almost every day.
I would rather buy more veggies at the shop than anything else.
I don't crave pizza every day.
I DO STILL LOVE CHOCOLATE!
I hate when I come to the realization that I haven't talked to my mom in a week, and my dad in two weeks.
I don't get offended by bad grammar and curious wordings.
I'm not AS afraid to ask directions from strangers. Especially if I know they would speak English!
I am more nervous to speak other languages than I ever knew I was. -- My favorite phrase is : Ar jus kalbate angliskai? [Can you speak English?]
I still love Billy Joel.

I am confused about my identity -- I go by Diana here, and I get weirded out when people call me Audrey, but I will call myself Audrey to myself, and I always have to think twice, or even three times before I sign an e-mail. Often, to people I love back home, I will sign "Audrey Diana," because I have some attatchment to both names.

Going by Diana has actually brought about some interesting insights. In my Teaching English textbook, it talks about one person's definition of the "Four Stages of Acculturation" -- in other words, the process, or the levels of homesickness. The third stage is called anomie. Basically, it's where you are not attatched to either home or the place that you are. Having a new name for this new place has given me another tangible way to understand how I am adjusting to where I am. I think not knowing which name to sign was a symptom of anomie -- I didn't know how to fit in here, or how I would slip back into home. But I am feeling attatched here now, and know who I am as Diana, but I have never ceased to be Audrey.

So, I am Audrey Diana.

La, la, la

I have been severly missing playing the piano. I am not even very good at it, but the past few days, I have really wanted to get my fingers on set of ivories.

A breakdown

If you know me at all, or knew me at all, you know that I have over-active tear glands. I will cry at anything and everything. But surprisingly while I've been here, I have cried I think only twice. Perhaps it is because my eyes are too busy taking in so many new things to let any old things come out. But anyway, today I had a good cry, and it was appropriately over a book.

If you like people, don't read Into the Wild. Though I haven't finished, I do believe that the point, at least that I can see, is that human relationships are not possible to and are not worth severing. But it goes about it on an agonizing trail. It is the story of a boy who, after graduating from university gave all his savings to a charity and abandoned his family without a word and went on his merry way to the northwest and west and north. He eventually wound up in Alaska, where he took decidedly insufficient supplies to survive as long as he hoped to, and he died there.

In the months, perhaps years that followed, the author of this book, who wrote the original article on the story in an outdoors-y magazine, tracked down several people who had spent time with the boy, picked him up while he was hitch hiking, let him stay with them, gave him a job or met him.

Today I took a trip to Vilnius with some girls for my friend Hannah's birthday, so we had a long bus drive on which I could sit and read. I made a bit dent in the novel. So on the way back, I was reading chapter thirteen, which is recounting the boy's family's reactions to his death, both in the immediate after effects, and upon months of time to contemplate. At the beginning of the chapter, I started to cry, and then I just didn't stop after that. I was so upset that he would be so selfish.

It reminded me slightly of my trip here, and I became frightened that I was running away from something. I know this is not true, and I always appreciate that my parents know where I am, and that they are always willing to listen and help when they can. This chapter made me desperate to tell them that I am anxious to come see them again, and I always want to keep building our relationship. I am perplexed and upset by this boy's drive to detatch from all human connection; and the fact that his family mourned his death, though he left them in the dust (or snow, so to speak), just goes to prove that you cannot sever those ties completely, because you need a two-man saw.

So, all this to say, I love my family, and I am coming home after my adventure!

Delayed Scraps

Well, I must confess. I am officially not consistant at blogging. But I will try to whip up a few interesting facts and anecdotes about my past few weeks, as well as try to explain why there were Australian words for things in my last post.

Three weekends ago the study abroad group took a trip to Tallin, the capital of Estonia, and Riga, Lativia's capital. It was a great weekend. It was eventful and yet relaxing, and was the perfect get away to recoup from the first month of school and Lithuanian Life. In Tallin, my friends Hannah and Hannah (both adorable, short brunettes from Gordon college who are both English majors and both like to cook -- have fun telling them apart!) and Paige (from Azusa Pacific in CA, who is an art major, emphasizing on ceramics) and I rented bikes and rode around the city. We were trying to get to the Singing Grounds where they hold their anual singing festival, and that is the token sight of what is now called the "Singing Revolution." We didn't get that far, though, because we found a beautiful park and also, the Google/Mapquest "A"!! How bizarre!

In Riga, we went to lots of cafes, parks, and a famous monument which was guarded. We went to some street vendors. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. We went to the most beautiful Italian restaurant which gave fresh bread with olive oil and butter. I had the most divine tomato soup. (Ironically, I am making tomato soup for dinner tonight!)

Then two weekends ago, I went to Stockholm with my roommate. A few other study abroad students went as well, but I spent most of my time with Aurelija, and a lady named Michelle, who we met at our hostel, who was from... Australia! (Hence, the Australian vocabulary.) It was really neat to get to know her and spend time with her around the city. She had these little Australia pins that she had to give to people she met on her travels, so now I have a pin on my jacket! The city was beautiful, and I loved how water is an inescapable part of getting from one place to another. We visited this hotel that used to be a prison. It was really neat. Mostly, we walked a lot. It's a big city, and the public transportation was not an option because it was so expensive. Luckily, we brought our own food with us so we didn't have to buy any while we were there. Although the supermarket had half-priced daily bread after 9pm! We definitely did partake of that :)

And last weekend, I recouped by not traveling anywhere! This Sunday, I am going to Vilnius for the day to celebrate my friend Hannah's birthday!

I will try to post again soon about the more minute things of my life.

Some Australian Vocab

gum boots = rain boots
breaki = breakfast
wellies = shoes
lollies = candies

Hello and Sweden

Number 1: hello!

Number 2: I am in Sweden!I haven't written for a while, so when I get back to LCC and have more time, I will write more about my Riga-Tallin trip, but I just thought I'd drop a thought while having a surreal travel experience in Scandenavia! People are much happier in Sweden than in Lithuania. It's definitely still European, but It's definitely Western Europe, not Eastern. I can see and feel such a difference, it's unbelievable!

Also, this keyboard I'm using has some swedish characters so I can do this: ö and this:ä and this: £ with ease, and as always, I can do this: :)

More Apples

Some more unique apple dishes:
Rice and apples (Reis und Apfel in Deutch)
Noodles with pepper, carrots and... apples! (Nudel mit ____, ____, und ... Apfel!)

Apfel Kuchen :)

Words of wisdom from Steve Dintman, a theology prof that a group of study abroad students and I went to dine with at his and his wife's beautiful home downtown; and from Ian Grell, my insightful and faithful friend:

"Tourism is being able to leave a place unchanged" (Steve)
"There are too many tourists in Grand Rapids and Waukesha"


I can say that I did not tour those apple trees.

Apple Picking [Up]!

Yesterday Aurelija and I went apple-pick-up-ing. We picked up the ones that had already fallen off the tree. I guess that way we know they're ripe. But I reminisced, and shared with Aurelija, about my childhood when we would climb the trees at the orchard and pick them off the branches. The orchard wouldn't even be open until the apples were ripe -- that's how we knew they were ok.

She was enchanted by the idea of an apple orchard :)
I told her if she comes to the states to come in the fall so we can go together.
Then we realized that after December, we would never live together again.
That was a little depressing.

Anyway, now we have about seven thousand apples. So last night we made apple pancakes and fried apples, which turned out more like a delicious apple dip for pancakes and our favorite 99cent cookes :). The basket was still overflowing!

This morning, Aurelija made rice with apples.

For lunch I had some apples.

Our basket is still full.

I just love apples. Hopefully when the basket is gone, I will still love apples.

Symptoms of...

It is strange how I will often reflect on the small things in my life up to this point. I don't really think about the big, significant moments, but the small things, the secret pains, the times I cried and no one understood, the times I smiled and no one understood, the small moments that so reflect who a person is that my eyes are lit with wonder. I think of the people I know so well, and the times that they probably don't remember, but I hold close because secretly, they mean a lot to me.

On another note, today was a nice day. It was beautiful out, and Aurelija -- have I mentioned her? She's my roommate and friend. She's wonderful. -- and I went out and ate banannas by the river. We got to know eachother just a little bit better.



Here is a snipet of Aurelija's interesting life:

- She graduated from art school.
- She has one sister who is two years older than she is.
- She worked at a coffee shop and skate park in London this summer.
- She uses the word "interesting" a lot, a lot, a lot.
- She got to paint on a wall in Klaipeda.
- She was a scout for 5 years.

Aurelija is really the sweetest girl, and I could not have been paired with a better person to live with. She took care of me when I was sick the first week of classes, and we stay up late to talk -- my favorite! She makes me laugh, and she looks at life thoughtfully. We're going to Sweden in October, and I just cannot wait to travel with her!

Anyway, after we ate our bananas, we went to this Tai restaurant because she had to interview the owner for her class - Business Research Methods. I was actually kind of giddy to be there, because I got really excited to pick out words I knew, like:

studentas (can you guess what it means?)
skaito (read)
kalbu (speak)
neziunau (i don't know)

Even though I hear my roommates talk in Lithuanian on a regular basis, it was kind of cool to watch a whole conversation exclusively in Lithuanian. Also, we got free tea! Perfect! So then we were walking home, and decided to stop in this tall building to go up the elevator to look over Klaipeda. It was getting dark, and was kind of foggy, so no good photos, but just beautiful, beautiful view. On the other side was the sea, but the other side was a restaurant, so we just took a quick peak and went back down.

When we got back, our hall was making muffins, which was just great. We also decided it was about time that we actually made the apple pie/cake that we had been telling eachother we'd make for our friend Jared's birthday ... which was last Thursday. So we finally made it, and he was very happy -- despite the slightly flustered look in this photo...




Well, the point is, I am learning so much from Aurelija, and we get along so well. I am so grateful for her and to her. She has been the gem of the trip so far. Besides the opera of Sunday. :)

And the appel cake/pie was delicious!

English Conversations

Saturday, I got to spend some time with some local girls who are seniors in high school. They are planning to come to school at LCC, and they wanted to practice conversational English, so LCC set us up to meet at a sweet little coffee shop downtown Klaipeda.

I was so excited to meet with them and see where they were at. At LCC, everyone has already had their English skills tested, and they have refined it by speaking to most of their international friends here in English. So I was excited and honored to be a part of these girls’ first interactions with English speakers outside of the classroom.

One of the girls was very self-conscious about opening up and speaking in English. It was mostly fine, because her friend was very talkative, and there was never an awkward lull. I really wanted to get across the fact that it’s important to speak, and maybe mess up even, right now and with me, cause I can work with her and hopefully gently correct.

But I was just reminded by how nervous I can get to speak Lithuanian and German, both of which I’m just starting now. I’m so embarrassed to speak a new language, especially to a native speaker, even though they are the best ones to help. I am so afraid to butcher their language. But from talking with these wonderful girls, and from trying (and admittedly failing) to speak Lithuanian with my roomates, I’ve learned something important

–

If I wait to understand something fully before do it, I will never do anything, and it will take longer to understand it.

Spontaneous Travel and Classic Literature

What a whirlwind weekend!(Appologies for the cheesy expresion, but really, where did it go? And was it real? It was too good not to be a dream?!)

First off, I started doing some reading and homework Saturday morning -- unreal enough, I know. But I knew that I was doing group project work, cleaning,having a skype date with Ian, and then meeting with some local high school girls who are coming to LCC next year and wanted to practice their conversational English. So I wanted to get a head start. Plus, we're reading Scarlet Letter in American Lit, which I could read over and over again.

Also, there was a vague fantasty-notion in my head that maybe, just maybe, I could afford and organize a little outing to Vilnius -- about a 4-hour bus ride from Klaipeda -- on Sunday to see Onegin - the opera by Tchaikovsky based on the poem novel by the Father of Russian Poets, Pushkin.

Reasons I wanted to go:
1. I LOVE Vilnius. I'm looking into becoming the US Ambasador to Lithuania so I can live and work there. Also, I hear the American Embassy is beautiful, and located by the river (Juro, in Lithuanian).
2. I have always wanted to see an opera!
3. We read Eugene Onegin, the poem novel, in my Russian Lit class last semester, and I really loved it. Like really.
4. Tchaikovsky is a favorite of mine.
5. My Ballet final last semester was to the waltz from the opera, so I knew one of the songs.

This was obviously meant to be.

No, really it was, because it happened! My fellow Study Abroad students, Paige and Anders took the plunge with me, and we met a friend who goes to LCC, but is from Vilnius, Ruta, went to lunch and went to the opera!

It was beautiful. It was so exciting to see my first opera. The singers were just magnifico! It was in Russian (of course), and they actually had Lithuanian "subtitles" on a screen above the stage. Since I had read the poem, it was relatively easy to understand. So far, it was probably my favorite experience while I've been here.

PS, for those who are wondering, or at least expecting -- yes, I cried.

Your Lithuanian Homework:

Aciu = Thank you ["c" = "ch" in this case]
Ar jus kalbate angliskai? = Do you speak english? [the "s" in "angliskai" is said like "sh"]
Kiek kainuoja kava? = How much is coffee?
Ar galite man padeti? = Can you help me?
Kaip sekasi? = How are you?
Gerai/Blogai = Good/Bad
Atsiprasau = Excuse me (This one is key!!) [second "s" is "sh"]
Sekmes! = Good luck!
As Tave myliu! = I love you! ["s" in "as" = "sh"]

Wow.

I just realized I still have a little mark on the tippy-top of my middle finger from when I failed for the third time to give plasma. That was 15 days ago. Is this the same world? I guess so, because I still have that little mark.

An update

some friends along the beach.


This is my friend Amanda and Me.


there were all these ruins at the beach. I'm not totally sure what they were, but my guess is that they had something to do with the Soviet Union... most things do. I tried to dance inside this sunken, circular, cement structure. It's harder to dance in sand than on a lot of other surfaces... Sherry Lee would be very disappointed in me. (She was my ballet instructor last semester.)




Last night, friday, was our last day of classes. What a week! I love my classes. So, to celebrate the end of the week, we went to the sea to watch the sunset. There were lots of clouds, but the kind that just make it more beautiful instead of hiding the sun completely.

The other day I went to the store by myself for the first time! Iki (which is the equivalent of "see you later" -- which i think is like the best choice for the name of a store!) is about a block away -- right past all the identical, tall, brick soviet-built buildings. For some reason, it felt like a really big deal to go by myself. I guess that just means I'm still not totally at home yet! Which makes sense. But, of course, everything went just fine!

I can't remember if I said this before, but everybody walks all the time. Very few people actually have cars. At the beginning, all of the Americans' (including mine, embarassingly) legs were SO sore. It seemed like we were walking such long distances. But really it's fantastic.

People will walk to the store about every three days or so to get food for the next few days, then they will come back for the next few days, etc. No one really buys food with preservatives in it. They have it, but everyone is grossed out by it. I accidently got milk with preservatives -- it was my first time getting milk, and of course, no one was around me, and i can't read the labels! -- and I offered some to my roommate, and she didn't want any. Then she went over to the other part of our dorm to ask if she could have some of my other roommate's milk. Then when we were sitting together eating, I had the milk out and she pointed out the expiration date. So I learned that if I want to share, I should make healthy food choices. (Or vice versa... )

Classes!!

Monday:
8:30 Introductory German I
9:45 Teaching English as an International Language (!)
11:00 Non-Violent Social Movements
12:15 Cross Cultural Seminar
1:30 Introductory Lithuanian I
2:45 Introduction to the Bible I
3:00-7:15 Marriage and Family

Tuesday & Thursday:
8:30 American Literature

Wednesday and Friday:
8:30 Introductory German I
9:45 Teaching English as an International Language
11:00 Non-Violent Social Movements
1:30 Introductory Lithuanian I
2:45 Introduction to the Bible I


It has been a joy to start learning other languages again! One of the things we have learned to say on the first days is what language(s) we speak. Of course, as we go around most people's answers sound like this:

"Halo. Meine name ist Ilya. Ich komme aus Ukraine. Ich sprechen Ukrainisch, Russisch, Englisch, und ein bisschen Weisrussich und Lietuanisch."
In other words, "Hello. My name is Elijah. I am from Ukraine. I speak Ukrainian, Russian, English, and a bit of Bellarussian and Lithuanian."

Of course, my language would look something like this: "Ich sprechen Englisch."
People would immediately notice the difference. So I would throw in "und ein bisschen Spanisch." It made me feel a little bit better about life. When I come home, I will be able to say,

Halo. Meine name ist Diana. Ich komme aus America. Ich sprechen Englisch, Duetsch, Lietuanisch.
OR
Labas! As vardas Diana. As gyvenu America. As kalba angliskai, vokiskai, ir lietuviskai.

The Borshch Stomach

Firstly, I'm pretty bummed today. Yesterday, I had this random thought while I was spinning my nose ring (which I do often to keep it from getting grown over -- also, i do it self-consciously hoping people don't think i'm picking my nose...). So anyway, I had this thought that -what if my nose ring fell out?- I've always planned not to have my nose ring forever, but i certainly haven't reached the time when i wanted it to come out. But it fell out sometime last night, and i have no clue where it went, and even if I can get another one tomorrow, I'm not sure if it will have grown back over! So I keep reaching to spin it, and it's not there. it feels really weird.

Anyway, Two days ago, my roommate made borshch, which is Ukranian beet soup. I was terrified of it. Beet soup is really common here. And it's pink. But I tried it and loved it! would you imagine? Then yesterday, another of my Ukranian friends made some. I wasn't really hungry, but it was so tantalizing, so I had a bowl. So, we were all talking about how, growing up, we would say we were full from supper, but of course have room for dessert; how everyone has a dessert stomach. Then, we talked about how we all have borshch stomachs, because both i and another guy there had already eaten, but could make room for borshch. Let me just give you an idea of what's in it:
beets (obviously)
potatoes (pretty sure they're in everything here)
tomato paste, or something tomato
basil/spices
other delicious things

and add sour cream to make it pink and extra delicious.

So, i advise all people of the world to make yourself some borshch to experience the satisfaction of filling your borshch stomach, which, like me before two days ago, you may have not even known to exist!

Nida

Today we went to Nida, a little town on the Curonian spit. If you don't know what it is, you must not be familiar with Lithuania. [dry laughter]. Anyway, if you go back in time on my blog to a post called "The Place," you will see a map of Klaipeda, and the Curonian spit is the awkward bit of land that stands between the city and the Baltic Sea. We climbed the sand dunes and laid out and read for about two hours. It was fantastic.

ALso, I discovered a cheap alternative to Nutella called Finetti. I'm about to have some on bread with banana for dinner, so I'll have to let you know how it goes!!

I am excited for all the students to be on campus. right now it's just student leaders (like RA's and the students who have been with us our whole trip so far), and us Americans, and a freshmen. I met a lot of people on my hall yesterday. There were these boys who were just going around to all the kitchens to see if there was anyone to meet there. I thought that was pretty brave. Our kitchen/lounge is huge and wonderful. We have three stove tops and a few sinks, and plenty of cupboard space! How cool! Already yesterday, people were cooking for eachother and I had tea with my friend Oksana, her roomate, and my roomate Tanya. I also met a guy named Dima who is rooming with three other guys i know already on my hall. He looks a lot like a boy in our Study Abroad group, so the first time i saw him, i just walked right past him after making eye contact, then i thought to my self, i don't think that's Bjorn! So i turned back and introduced myself. I was rather embarrassed. but he was understanding, and several other people would comment on how Dima looked like Bjorn, so i felt better :)

We had a little bit of a Lithuanian Language session, so that was good to see in print some of the words people were teaching me as i went along. I'm really excited to have the lady who was teaching us as my teacher all semester. she is enthusiastic and patient.

Well, we have to go to the acropolis, which is just the big mall, to get visa photos for our russian visas! So I'm off! Iki! [later]

some photos

probably my favorite statue i've ever seen. this is the poet who wrote the lithuanian national anthem.



the only picture i could take at the KGB museum. here, i also quickly proved that i am an easy crier :) or perhaps the only one not desencitized by violent movies. or maybe just the only one who took russian literature last semester.



The president Dalia grybauskaite's palace.



The exquisite cathedral at the University of Vilnius.



a statue by a student at UofV



The cathedral that Napoleon wanted to take back to Paris.



In lithuania, when people get married, the groom carries the bride over a bridge and they will put a lock on the bridge and throw the key in the river. i want to do this.



Trakai.



My friend Oksara and I in Trakai.



:)

Arrived!

We were descreasing altitude, and I am staring out of my window mesmerized by normal things -- a huge quary, a rail yard. Obviously, everything looks beautiful from above, but I was particularly entranced because these weren't just a quary and a rail yard -- this was a Lithuanian quary and a lithuanian rail yard. I'm also reasonably sure that I saw a house that my dad and I had just seen about 48 hours ago on Google Earth. White squarish with a blue roof. WOw.

God is awsome. Not only did he make these:



but litterally every thing went smoothly. I kept expecting something to go awfully wrong, but I met a bunch of kids heading to Vilnius with me at Chicago, plane left on time, I was able to sleep on the plane (thanks to tylenol pm!) and I met the lady next to me named Maria who didn't speak any English. And I got all my bags. Literally nothing bad happened. And now I'm in Lithuania!

Before we got on the plane from Warsaw to Vilnius, I overheard a man saying he was going to a University in Klaipeda, (which, by the way, I finally learned how to pronounce! CLAY-pe-dah) so I asked if he was going to LCC (I"m pretty sure there is not another university in the city). And he was! His name is Asher. He is from Iran. He became a Christian and left the country so he could study the bible. His family is Zorastrian. He's thirty-one and starting his bachelor's degree. He's very excited to spend time in a Christian environment. How cool! I realized how much i appreciate having grown up in an envirionment that nurtured my faith instead of not being able to talk about it without fear of being killed. He is going to be couch surfing until orientation starts in like 4 days. Hopefully I will see him at school!

So, for now, the US study abroad students are going to be in Vilnius for three days. Orientation starts on the 26th, and classes start on the 29th.

For tonight, we have dinner paid for us! Great! We're staying at a very lovely hostel, where I'm sitting right now :)

Weather: chilly, grey skies.
Status: tired, but overjoyed about where I'm at and the fact that everything is going so well! Praise God!
Favorite part of the day: Clouds.I did some meditating on the water cycle on the plane. We drink the same water that has been on the earth since Adam and Eve, the Ancietn Egyptians, Abe Lincoln... etc.
Lithuanian words I've learned:
Labas = hello
Achu = thank you [bless you!]
Polish word I learned:
[I have no clue how to spell it but it sounds like:] jin-COO-yay = thank you.

I am closing my laptop and it won't be opened for several days. Tomorrow is the last night with the fam. We are having fried chicken for dinner (which, for those of you who aren't dutch, means lunch after church), which is the tradition. Monday, Jeff, Mom, cousin David, Ian and I are driving to Chicago and the surrounding area to drop off David at his house (he spent the week with us) and then for me to fly off to see the world! If God is gracious to see it through, I will land in Poland, then Vilnius, Lithuania's capitol. We will spend three days and two nights there before we head to Klaipeda when we will start school! I don't plan to open it until I get settled in my dorm, so I'm sure there will be a good, long, interesting post at that point :)

Please please be praying for me and my family and ian! I think there will be a lot of overall sadness, if excitement, about the whole thing. Also, travel, aslo that my bags don't pop open with all their contents! I haven't weighed them yet, so we may have a moment of truth...

5Days?REallyWhat!!?

I know, so many posts and I haven't even left! But I'm thinking about it so much that I feel like I just need to leave so it can be happening NOW! And yet, of course -- here comes the paradox -- I wish I had a thousand days to say good byes and end on happy notes with all those I love. No matter what, I will always want more time to make precious with the people I don't want to leave.

Things floating through my mind:
What do I still need to get?
How am I going to fit all this in one 50-lb bag!!?
Do I really need _______?
HOw many days?
Do I need this in the next 5 days, or can I pack it now? (If the item is body wash, the answer is YES you need it!)

ALso, a friendly reminder for those who may care: Coffee isn't the perfect complimentary drink to an empty stomach, especially when you're trying to refrain from being in a panic!

Visa arrived!

Funny story. To apply for my visa, I had to send in my passport with a self-addressed envelope. So about two weeks after I sent my whole application in, I got my passport back. I let out a huge sigh of relief, because honestly, I was really nervous about having my passport out in the postal system. But, I was still waiting for my visa to come in the mail. I had no idea what it would be or look like. Maybe a slip of paper, or a little booklet, like a passport. Maybe a little ID card type of thing. I was starting to get nervous because I'm leaving in about 11 days (what!!?) and it still hadn't come in the mail. So, I e-mailed Natalija, who is my correspondant at LCC, and asked if she had access to some contact info about where my visa was in the world at that point. She asked if I had got my passport back. I said yes. She said, "your visa should be glued to one of the pages in the passport."

Wow, what a dork. I was waiting and waiting, and if I hadn't asked, I would have had a fit of nerves because I thought I didn't have my visa, when really I had it all along. My mom said, "that would make a great object lesson!" (She's all about object lessons.) So, make of it what you may, I got my visa!!

And I leave in 11 days. Oh my stars.

19 days to go...

Things on my mind:

packing list
where is my visa?
Lithuania?
State fair! Tips!
dreading good-byes...

today my dad said, "you'll be the first person in our family who has a visa! I'd like to see it."

The Place

So, I realized that some people may have no idea where Lithuania is. I know I didn't when I decided I wanted to go there. I wasn't even sure it was real. So to give you a better picture of where I'll be, I'll share a picture!

This is Europe:


Lithuania one of the three Baltic States, along with Latvia and Estonia, which are right above it. If you know where Norway and Sweeden are, hanging off the top of Europe, and look to the right, you'll see the Baltic Sea, across which are the Baltic States. Lithuania is on the bottom.

Now, for a close up on Lithuania:


When I arrive, I'll be in the capital, Vinius, for a few days, then we will head over to the west coast to the city of Klaipeda. No, I don't know how to say it yet.

Lithuanian Christian College is here in the city of Klaipeda, indicated by a lovely purple arrow...:


Well, that's where I'll be! I'll write soon with some other things I've learned in the process of preparing myself for life in Klaipeda! I'll give you some sneak peaks:

-Americans are LOUD!
-Lithuanian was the first Indo-European language. (For all my fellow grammar/language geeks :) )
-My Christian college has a designated smoking area

I have to quickly share a fear that I hope is unfounded, but I'll have to let you know. I'm terrified that I will hate Lithuanian food. It's on my list of things to look up, but I just get this feeling I'll be uncomfortable every meal time. I've always been a picky eater, and it's always been a problem, but in Lithuania, it could cause more trouble than it does in America. Hopefully I'll be proved wrong!

ISIC, Visa, Doubt

WELL, I've been e-mailing back and forth with Natalija in Lithuania who has been patient with all my questions and short-comings concerning international travel. I have been getting more and more nervous with the daunting instructions about ordering an International Student Identification Card (ISIC) and getting things notarized and sending my passport across the country. I was very nervous that I wouldn't have things done in time, or wouldn't get my ISIC in the mail before I needed to send a copy of it to blah-blah-blah...

BUT I got my card in the mail on Saturday, got all the necessary stuff notarized Monday, and sent everything out Monday as well. I'm a little on edge about my passport being untrackable in the mail, but some things we just have to leave in the Postal Service's hands. I would have good reason to worry if it wasn't the US Postal Service, but since we are in the US, I think my identity is safe.

MONDAY night, after I sent in my completed Visa application, I had my first round of serious doubt about this trip. Up until then, I was realistic about knowing that I'd be missing stuff at home, but still being healthily excited to have this opportunity. Sunday, for whatever reason, I was thinking about how my friends like to come up with new phrases, and how we can create about 60 memories in 20 minutes. I relish every moment with each of them. I thought about coming back in the Spring to live with Emily, who would have already lived a semester at our House with Olivia and Joy, and gotten into the groove of things, and how it might be frustrating to her to suddenly have a new roomate, even though we've been planning this for a year. I thought about the plays, about how I kind of wish I could Stage Manage Arsenic and Old Lace, and even how I might kinda sorta miss set building. But only a little bit.

AND that's only at school. Being even further away from my brothers, who can hardly hold a meaningful conversation one time zone away, least of all 6.

WHAT if Ian and I can't make it?

I'M essentially over my doubts of Monday night, but I think I'll have little doubting spells all summer. Is it weird that the main reason I reminded myself I needed to go was that we had already spent money on the plane tickets, I have this ISIC card with my photo on it, and I just sent in my Visa application? Why was I not reminded that Ian and Emily are committed and beautiful people, and that my brothers are growing and maturing (slowly but surely... OK, very slowly), and that I will have many more opportunities to work hard at theatre? Or even, why was I not comforted that God is in control of all of these doubts and fears of mine? I know all of these things to be true. Maybe they weren't what comforted me, though, because they would have seemed insubstantial.

MAYBE the money that had already been put into this trip was the only tangible way for me to understand that I DON'T know what's going to happen, but it's out of my control, and that's ok. That's good. I don't really like to think of money as a good thing, but in a weird way, it lent itself to helping me see that while traveling is a risk and it's scary, it's not worth running away from ("worth" meaning both financially and experiencially). So thanks to Polish Airlines, ISIC and Visa for leading me towards fearless travel!

Off to see the World!

Hello friends and followers!

This fall, I'm off the Lithuania to spend a semester studying at Lithuanian Christian College. I am leaving August 22nd, three days after my summer camp is done in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I'll be home for those three days before shipping myself over the ocean!

If you'd like to join me, but can't afford to take out another student loan, please feel free to live vicariously through me as I update you all on my travels!